Crips and Bloods Unite, Declare War On ISIS

LOS ANGELES, California –

New terror threats made on the United States have motivated two of the largest rival U.S. street gangs, the Crips and the Bloods, to make a truce and declare war on both ISIS and Al-Qaeda.


Yesterday an anonymous leader representing the unified gangs spoke in a Compton, California park.

“Yo, dey’re going ta try ta come ova here an bombo our territory, kill our American niggas?” the gang leader told several hundred high ranking members representing both gangs. “We’s be gonna go ova an’ git they territory befo dey get our territory. We’s gonna kill every last motherfucking one o’ deez pretend niggas before dey kill us. Deez beotch niggas. Deez faggots with pussies in their pants just like mammy. We’s going ta fuq dem up!”

This bizarre news comes on the heals of hacktivist group, Anonymous, declaring cyber-warfare on both ISIS and Al-Qaeda following the deadly attacks at the French satirical newspaper Charlie Hebdo in France; however, the Crips and Bloods, together numbering in the hundreds of thousands, are allegedly planning an old school attack: rented cruise ships that will drop the two gangs on Syrian shores where they will sprint to the city of Raqqa and begin brutally killing members of ISIS.

“I’m be sick o’ deez middle east rag head mothafuckas terrorist ISIS/Al-Qaeda thinkin’ day all hard,” the gang leader continued. “Dey ain’t hard. We the real gangstas of tha world! Straight outta Compton!”

The impassioned speech brought up ‘woofs’ and gunshots from the crowd as N.W.A’s hit song “Straight Out Of Compton” began to blare from a boom box.

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